Introduction: A Sobering Reality
In a world where nearly half of marriages end in divorce, the sacred union of husband and wife is often treated as disposable—a contract to be broken when the going gets tough. Society whispers that happiness lies in finding the “perfect partner,” someone immune to flaws, untouched by the messiness of human sin. But what if this pursuit is not just futile but a rebellion against God’s design? What if the trials of marriage—the arguments, the betrayals, the silent nights—are not obstacles to escape but a cup offered by God for our sanctification?
We believe that “all things work together for to them that love God, right? Romans 8:28 But why do we fail to see the trials that we are put in to face in life can be in the permissive will of God? If you had been praying to break you, mold you and fill you and use you as many of us boldly sing in our hearts to make us like Jesus and the fiery trials cold be the answer to your own prayer? Some even pray to be baptized in fire—but do you know what the fire actually does? And when trials come we stagger and say no to the cup that’s been offered! Again you would pray Lord use me. Don’t you know that God won’t use you unless you are sanctified? It is His perfect will our sanctification – 1 Thessalonians 4:3. And it is a sure sign that the Father considers us His children – Hebrews 12:5-11; 1 Peter 4:1,2,12-14; Romans 8:17.
Family union is the best crucible that one could be tried and tested. If with a stranger or a coworker you have struggle with, you could move away, but a family member, as they are tied to your soul, if affects you much deep; the wounds cut deep, the betrayal cuts deep and the sorrows will be too that deep. And it takes sorrow-godly sorrow to purge your depravity – 1 Peter 4:1,2; 2 Corinthians 7:10. This is the place you could see your true self coming out as you get pinned to a corner and provoked to the tilt. Majority failed to see what’s going on and run from it, seeing only evil in the other person rather than seeing God in it. The Hebrew young men saw a fourth figure in the fire with them. Instead of whining and complaining, their faith—like that of their father Abraham—did not stagger but remained strong. Faith reveals its strength in the heat of fiery trials, not in the calm of peaceful days. As long as we have Biblical commands being read everyday—the word of God will try you, whether you are genuine in your profession and in word and in deed.
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3;18 Unless we are put through such tests how could we see what we are made up of from the inside? The heart is desperately wicked and from it flows all evil. The tongue is the outlet and when fire is lit to provoke, hurt your pride, breach your territory—that’s when your true color shines. This is where you would prove your Christian identity—whether you are phony or genuine. Whether you would submit to Christ and His word or you would rebel and recede. Jesus in Gethsemane, who prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42), are we called to drink the cup of marital struggle, trusting it shapes us for eternity? This question may unsettle you, but it’s one we must face: Is divorce, except for justifiable reasons, considered rejecting God’s will?
Note:
Divorce is generally considered justified only in cases of adultery, abuse, or other situations that endanger a person’s life, as these violate the genuine and godly principles of marriage. Such acts constitute a breach of the sacred marriage covenant and may therefore justify divorce. In these circumstances, where the covenant has been broken, one is no longer bound by it and is consequently free from the marriage bond. Other than these justifiable cases, trials will come in every relationship—the storms will rise, and the winds will blow. But if your heart is built on the Rock—the Word of God—that house will stand firm despite being battered. Yet hearts that are not aligned with God’s Word will struggle and may fall under the onslaught. This is the cup handed to us all to drink—the daily trials of life. Will you accept it and say, “Lord, Your will be done”? This is my share of the cup of gall that I must drink, but this gall is offered for my purification—to examine myself so that we may cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God (2 Corinthians 7:1), rather than mere suffering. It works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).
That we no longer live the rest of our time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God (1 Peter 4:1-2); that we may be glorified together (Romans 8:17); and that we might partake of His nature and His holiness (Hebrews 12:5-11). “Shouldn’t we be following the footsteps of our Master? He who says he abides in Him ought also to walk just as He walked.” — 1 John 2:6
The Cup of Sanctification: A Biblical Lens
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus faced a cup no human soul could bear—the wrath of God poured out for humanity’s sin. He pleaded, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me” (Luke 22:42), yet surrendered, drinking it fully to fulfill God’s redemptive plan. This act of submission wasn’t just for salvation; it modeled how we, too, must face the cups God offers us. Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
To lay down our lives means putting agape love into action—the selfless, sacrificial love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:”Charity (love) suffers long and is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Laying down our lives is living out this love daily—choosing patience, kindness, humility, and endurance, even when it costs us.
Marriage, as God’s foundational institution for society (Genesis 2:24), is one such cup. It’s a covenant, not a contract, designed to reflect Christ’s unbreakable love for His church (Ephesians 5:25). Yet, within this sacred union, trials are inevitable. The Apostle Paul warned, “Those who marry will have trouble in the flesh” (1 Corinthians 7:28). These troubles—misunderstandings, pride, or unmet expectations—are not accidents but divine tools for sanctification, refining us to be more like Christ. God uses trials as a bit and bridle to gently tame and guide our spirit.
Consider this: If Jesus had refused His cup, where would we be? His submission transformed the world. Likewise, when we reject the trials of marriage, are we not rejecting the very process God uses to mold us? The idea that a “perfect partner” exists ignores the reality of Eden’s fall—every soul bears the stain of sin. To walk away from marriage’s challenges, seeking an easier path, may be to say, “My will, not yours, Lord.” This is a sobering thought, one that demands we reexamine our choices.
The Lie of the Perfect Partner
Our culture glorifies the myth of the perfect partner, promising fulfillment if we just find “the one.” Dating apps, romantic comedies, and self-help books fuel this fantasy, suggesting that love should be effortless and that divorce is a liberation from a bad match. But scripture tells a different story. No one is immune to sin’s corruption; no marriage escapes the friction of two fallen souls becoming one. The pursuit of perfection is not just absurd—it’s idolatry, placing our desires above God’s design. When we divorce to escape hardship, we often trade one set of struggles for another, missing the sanctifying work God intended.
One might find a neutral partner with whom life seems peaceful—but at what cost? In doing so, you may be stepping out of the very process God is using to refine you. Would you trade eternal life with God for temporary relief? Don’t you know that without holiness, no one shall see the Lord? (Hebrews 12:14)
Divorce is not a neutral choice. It’s a pest, as some have called it, tearing at the fabric of families, communities, and God’s plan for society. It leaves children wounded, finances shattered, and hearts scarred. Yet society calls this freedom. Scripture, however, calls us to perseverance. Philippians 2:5 urges, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,” who endured suffering for a greater purpose. What if the pain of your marriage is not a sign to flee but a call to surrender, to let God work through your submission?
Empathy for the Broken
Let’s pause to acknowledge the elephant in the room: not every marriage is salvageable. Abuse, abandonment, or unrepentant infidelity can shatter a covenant beyond repair. God hates injustice (Psalm 11:5), and His compassion extends to those trapped in toxic unions. Even God put Israel away and gave her a certificate of divorce because of her unfaithfulness—didn’t He?
“And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce…” (Jeremiah 3:8, KJV) For some, separation is a painful necessity, and grace abounds for those who walk that path. But for many, divorce is not about survival—it’s about comfort, pride, or the refusal to endure. This article speaks to those moments when we’re tempted to walk away not because of danger but because the cup feels too bitter. Are we willing to trust God’s refining fire, or do we demand our own way?
The Mind of Christ in Marriage
Jesus’ example in Gethsemane is our blueprint. He didn’t want the cup—His human nature recoiled—but He drank it, trusting the Father’s will. Marriage, too, is a crucible where our pride and self are butchered, as you so vividly put it. It’s where we learn to love sacrificially, to forgive relentlessly, to submit humbly. Every argument, every tear, every moment of feeling unloved is a chance to say, “Not my will, but yours.” This is the mind of Christ, the path to sanctification. To reject this cup is to miss the eternal weight of glory being worked in us (2 Corinthians 4:17).
Preaching this is easier than living it. Who wants their ego crushed in the confines of a struggling marriage? Who wants to forgive when it hurts, to stay when it’s hard? Isn’t it hypocrisy to call Jesus Christ “Lord” while refusing to obey His commands? “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I say?” Jesus asked (Luke 6:46). The courage to stay, to work through the pain, to seek reconciliation, is not weakness—it’s worship. It’s declaring, “God, I trust your plan over my feelings.”
A Call to Drink the Cup
What cup are you refusing in your marriage? Is it the cup of patience with a spouse who grates your nerves? The cup of forgiveness for a wound that still stings? The cup of humility when pride screams for control? These are not easy to drink, but they are holy. They shape you, your spouse, and your family into vessels of God’s glory. Divorce may promise relief, but it often trades one pain for another, leaving behind the sanctifying work God intended.
This is not a call to stay in danger but a challenge to see marriage as God does—a sacred union where trials are not the enemy but the forge. Seek help—counseling, prayer, community—but don’t walk away from God’s refining fire. The cup is bitter, but it’s also redemptive. It’s where you become more like Christ, where your family becomes a testimony of grace.
This sinful disposition we all carry, combined with diverse cultural backgrounds, differing doctrinal mindsets, and—above all—the physical and mental differences between male and female, who are opposites by design, create constant pressure within a relationship. These differences often act as opposing forces, like internal repellents that strain the mind and heart.
If we think another person will somehow “work better,” it may simply be like jumping from the fire into the frying pan. The decision, however, is yours. Paul said it is better for one to remain as they are—that is, unmarried or celibate—but people are different, and each must choose what they believe they need in life.
If you cannot contain yourself, then it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9). But if you can remain single, it may spare you from drinking deeply of the dregs of family strife.
But men, know this: it is a faithful saying—it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). While Paul spoke of the value of celibacy, from the beginning, God saw the need for companionship. The call is individual, but the truth remains: isolation is not without its own burden.
Conclusion: The Eternal Stakes
Marriage is not just a human institution; it’s God’s foundation for society, a reflection of His covenant with us. To reject its trials is to risk rejecting His will, trading eternal purpose for temporary ease. As you sit in the pews, singing “Lord, I love you,” ask yourself: Are you willing to drink the cup He’s offered? The pain is real, but so is the promise—those who endure with the mind of Christ will see God’s glory shine through their brokenness. Let’s stop chasing the myth of the perfect partner and start embracing the perfect will of God. What cup will you choose to drink today?
This might be worth reading: Adam, where art thou?