The Vacuum Created in Adam
It is not ethical to condemn any innate incapacity of the male gender. I am not speaking here of the depravity that entered through Adam and affected all creation (Romans 5:12; 8:20–23)—that is another subject entirely.
When God took one of Adam’s ribs and fashioned a woman (Genesis 2:21–22), a cavity was left within him. Adam recognized this when he declared, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). In the context of marriage, only when that “bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh” is restored is a couple made complete as one flesh. An incompatible partner cannot bring the deep fulfillment God designed for such a union.
This “lack” must be understood covenantally rather than spiritually. It is fulfilled in marriage, but it is not a statement of spiritual deficiency, nor does it imply that a man is incomplete apart from marriage. Completeness is found in God alone; marriage fulfills a relational design, not a salvific need.
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband (Proverbs 12:4)—a crown that signifies honor, power, and blessing. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house… Behold, thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD” (Psalm 128:3–4). Only a woman who fears God can be such a blessing (Proverbs 31:10–31), and only a man who fears the Lord can enter into such a blessed union (Genesis 24:67).
The Beauty and Challenge of Godly Marriage
Marriage flourishes where maturity, agreement, and shared fear of God are present.
An heir, as long as he is a child, differs nothing from a servant (Galatians 4:1), and a servant can never inherit a crown (John 8:35).
To be unequally yoked brings great difficulty and strife. By contrast, a compatible, God-centered union is a foretaste of paradise, whatever the external circumstances—just as Adam and Eve experienced in Eden, the garden of God (Ezekiel 28:13), before the fall. Only a suitable helpmeet can truly comfort and bring out the best in each partner. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).
A conjugal bond not grounded in the Word of God and mutual spiritual agreement will eventually falter. It can breed contempt, insubordination, and rebellion—for “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry” (1 Samuel 15:23). Such a union may appear stable to society for a time, but without true soul-level connection, it will reach stalemate.
Mutual Submission and Distinct Roles
Equality of worth does not erase God’s order; it dignifies it.
Scripture begins with a call to mutual submission: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). Within this framework, God has ordained beautiful, distinct roles that reflect Christ and the church.
Husbands
Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself… For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Ephesians 5:25–30). No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it—even as the Lord does the church.
Husbands are further instructed: “Dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). This is a high and holy calling—reflecting Christ’s selfless, sanctifying, elevating love even when the wife is imperfect.
Scripture also issues sober warnings to men. A passive husband, like Adam’s silence in Eden, abdicates responsibility and invites disorder. A harsh or domineering man contradicts Christ’s nature and brings judgment upon his own prayers. A spiritually negligent leader, like Eli or Ahab, endangers his household by refusing correction. Authority divorced from sacrifice is not biblical headship, but failure.
Wives
Wives are called to respectful submission: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:22–23; Colossians 3:18). “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24).
Let the wife adorn herself with the hidden person of the heart—the incorruptible ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. In the old time, holy women who trusted in God adorned themselves in this way, being in subjection unto their own husbands—even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord (1 Peter 3:4–6). She did so not as a slave, but out of reverence and trust in God.
Hearken, O daughter, and consider… forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house; so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy lord (Psalm 45:10–11).
The head of every born-again man is Christ; the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3). Yet in the Spirit, Christ is the head of both. “There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Believers are “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7).
Because our flesh is not yet redeemed (Romans 8:23), God’s ordained order remains essential for harmony and blessing in this life.
Both husband and wife belong fully to one another: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence… and likewise the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3–5).
Christ’s Example for Both Husband and Wife
Submission is not weakness; it is Christlikeness.
Christ left us the ultimate example: though equal with God, He made Himself of no reputation and took the form of a servant (Philippians 2:6–7). “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5).
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church—even when she was yet far off and without hope (Ephesians 2:12–13). Christ loved and gave Himself for a bride that was once unholy, yet He sanctifies her.
Wives, follow the church’s pattern of joyful submission to such a loving Head.
Consider Rebekah: when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel in respect and covered herself in modesty (Genesis 24:64–65). Isaac brought her into his mother’s tent, took her as wife, loved her, and was comforted (Genesis 24:67).
Consider also Esther: a maiden who pleased the king and obtained kindness, eventually crowned as queen (Esther 2:7–9, 17).
Warnings Against Disorder and Cultural Drift
The issue is not culture itself, but teaching that resists God’s design.
Scripture warns of the pain of disorder: “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15). “It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19). Isaiah describes a society under judgment where “children are their oppressors, and women rule over them… they which lead thee cause thee to err” (Isaiah 3:12).
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1). A virtuous woman is a crown; she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4). Her husband is known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders (Proverbs 31:23).
Certain expressions of modern Western culture, rather than Scripture, have promoted independence over mutual submission and selflessness. Ideologies that detach authority from responsibility, or redefine freedom as autonomy from God, subtly undermine the biblical vision of the household. False teaching can encourage rebellion against Scripture’s order, leading many astray (Romans 12:2; 2 Timothy 4:3–4; Matthew 7:15).
The Gift of Marriage and the Gift of Singleness
Different callings, equal honor before God.
Man shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
God Himself declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). A prudent wife is from the LORD (Proverbs 19:14).
Yet Scripture honors both marriage and singleness as good gifts from God. Paul writes, “Every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that… He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife… The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:7, 32–34). Marriage is honorable in all (Hebrews 13:4), and those who forbid it speak doctrines of devils (1 Timothy 4:3). Both states can be lived to the glory of God.
A Poetic Reminder and Final Exhortation
As Longfellow beautifully wrote in “Hiawatha’s Wooing“:
“As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman;
Though she bends him, she obeys him,
Though she draws him, yet she follows:
Useless each without the other.”
In marriage, pursue mutual honor, sacrificial love, and joyful submission. A godly spouse is truly a blessing:
– Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord (Proverbs 18:22)
– Your wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house (Psalm 128:3)
– A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband. Her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 12:4; 31:10–)
– You shall rejoice, be satisfied, and be ravished by her love always (Proverbs 5:15–20)
– Woman is the glory of man (1 Corinthians 11:7)
– They are keepers of home (Titus 2:3–5)
– Woman shall compass a man (Jeremiah 31:22)
– They shall guide the household (1 Timothy 5:14)
– She is a priceless gem (Proverbs 31:10–31)
Pursuing God’s Purpose in Partnership and Life
Pursue a life centered on God rather than focusing solely on finding a life partner. When you surrender your life to God, making Him your Lord, He takes responsibility for meeting your needs and guiding your path. Trust that God will either bring the right partner to you or provide the wisdom to pray for your future spouse—or sustain you joyfully in singleness for His glory.
At times, God may lead you to a partner who challenges your preferences or exposes your insecurities. Such relationships may serve as a refining process—a response to prayers for purification and spiritual growth. Marriage, in particular, can be a crucible for transformation, testing and shaping your character. You can choose to embrace this journey with Christ’s love, allowing it to refine you, or resist it, potentially hindering the Spirit’s work in your life. Trust God’s purpose in every season, knowing He uses all things for your growth and His glory.
Recommended reading:
“The CUP You Refuse: Is DIVORCE Saying NO to God’s WILL?”
It thoughtfully addresses the widespread and often misunderstood issue of divorce, challenging us to consider what it really means—spiritually and relationally—to walk away from a covenant. A convicting and necessary perspective in a culture where divorce is too often normalized.