I am writing a book titled, ‘Adam where art thou?’. The rising family breakdowns and the inconceivable traumas that individuals go through AFTER entering into a wedlock had led me to write it. It is painful to see families been mauled by the evil forces. God has been training me in this particular subject.
I would like to point out few things here that the eyes of your understanding be opened so that you would know what you can expect in marriage and how you should approach it.
First off, Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled – Heb 13:4 – but a family which isn’t united in Christ and by Christ doesn’t have the proper foundation to hold when things turn sour. Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3). A good marriage doesn’t come easy it requires much work and investment of time and love, but it’s worth an investment – for it is not good that the man should be alone, said the Lord God – Gen 2:18. It is for a reason why a partner in marriage is known as ‘better half’ – her coalition completes the man and his bond makes the woman bloom/secure. If you sow time, energy, devotion, love into a person – ye shall surely reap its produce. For whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap (Galatians 6:7). If one sow wind, he shall reap whirlwind – Hosea 8:7. It’s that simple. But if one sows love, which suffers long, and is kind; envies not; vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her/his own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
It is crucial that both man and woman be spiritually equipped, and possess a discerning heart to have a balanced life. Both must possess or exercise a humble and meek spirit. Pride is the biggest enemy that one would have to deal with on a daily basis. If you are not discernible you could mess things up so easily. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:21) is also crucial. Often man’s pride gets in the way. Man has a propensity to subdue everything under. If man realizes that the woman is rebelling or not heeding he would want to try to enforce things. That’s where one should be very tactful and wise. Know then that the flesh is at the helm and the devil is brewing something – Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his device (2 Corinthians 2:11). Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25-27). We must always be clothed with humility of mind (Ephesians 6:11/Matt 11:29) that even if one see his woman acting strange, man should take responsibility and defend and protect her – because God says she is a weaker vessel – she is wired differently. That doesn’t mean she is weak in the literal sense, but she could be enticed easily. The potential in a woman is tremendous. When there arise war of words, quarreling from the woman’s side, it may not be she that’s speaking or acting which incites provocation but an evil entity wants man to focus on her and hate her so that satan would get the leeway by which he can destroy the helpmeet of man. Why do I say the devil has access only through man? As Christ is the head of man, Man is the head of the woman, that’s why. I relate woman like the tail rotor of a helicopter. No matter how perfect the main rotor is, unless and until the tail rotor is in working order the copter is not going anywhere – the tail rotor provides stability. Both man and woman must work in tandem to build a healthy family. And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand (Mark 3:25). The man must cover her spiritually not the other way around. We must always be aware of the fact that the devil is our adversary and our flesh is the only avenue through which he can work out his schemes. Keep in mind also that, we wrestle not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). If ye live after the flesh, ye shall die – Rom 8:13. Life can only be accessed if we through the Spirit mortify the deeds of the flesh, like pride, selfishness, anger, arguments/quarreling. For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace (Hebrews 13:9). Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3:7) – for ye are all one in Christ Jesus (no male and female differentiation)(Galatians 3:28). For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones (Ephesians 5:30/1Cor 10:17).
The patriarchal mindset is done away in Christ. A Christian must possess a serving heart.
It is inevitable that the rains descend, floods come, and the winds blow and beat upon the house – Matt 7:25-27. We possess a fallen flesh, which is carnal and is sold under sin; and not to mention, we have an enemy which lurks around to devour as well. Ergo, things doesn’t work the way it should. However, I would like to also mention another side of this problem that humanity is affected with. People are not taught well in the church about why Jesus had come in the first place. We know for sure, through death Jesus had saved us from the POWER of sin and darkness and made us right with God through believing and obedience etc…but often we forget or we tend to ignore certain things what Jesus spoke – We are inclined to take the good part and spurn the rebukes, aren’t we? He said, Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household – Matthew 10:34-36 – Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three – Luke 12:51-52. There is a righteous judgment that we as believers must endure to be counted worthy of the kingdom – 2Thess 1:4,5. When he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10).
These truths are now being withheld and what is relayed on the pulpits are watered down truths by phony preachers. I believe even this deception also is a judgment from God to those who reject the truth and would not endure sound doctrine, the wholesome words of our Lord Jesus Christ, the doctrine which is according to godliness – 2Thess 2:10,11,12/1Pet 2:8/2Tim 4:3/1Tim 6:3.
If one would argue that this was a judgment against the world, then why would millions of genuine Christians has had to endure these traumas? Bible says, judgment must begin at the house of God – 1Pet 4:17. At the same time, Jesus also comforts us – In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world (John 16:33) – I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you (John 14:18/15:26) – My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: (Hebrews 12:5).
As I have said, things will happen because ‘evil is present with us’ – Rom 7:14-23, and unless we mortify the deeds of the flesh through the Spirit, there is no hope for us – Rom 8:13.
But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that does evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; But glory, honor, and peace, to every man that works good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: For there is no respect of persons with God – Romans 2:8-11
Things might all be well with a male and female that would want to coalesce. But the very moment the two enters into a conjugal bond and becomes one flesh in marriage, that’s where one would begin to encounter the heat. When you try to merge two kinds of substance, it’s quite natural to see resistance or sparks occurring. Some liquids don’t merge but some does.
The devil wouldn’t mind if you date, have casual sex and lead an unlawful life. He hates marriage between a man and woman. It doesn’t matter whether one is a believer or a sinner, he is against it, because God ordained it. It brought forth life and it brought forth the Savior of the world. Remember, the seed of the woman! – Gen 3:15. Marriage has the potential to bring forth revivalists, new believers by which God’s kingdom expands. Above all marriage brings forth the image of God into existence, which are human beings. Devil tried to destroy the holy lineage many times – he tried to kill Moses, Jesus, and many holy men when they were born. Imagine what the situation would be like if their parents weren’t married and no Moses or Jesus or John and other mighty ministers/prophets of God were not born.
Adam, where art thou? Why have you relinquished your stance? Man resigned from his God ordained position and made the devil the head of women, whose aftermath is this disintegration of families and the rise of feminism. Now woman wants to be the head of man, which is rebellion and where does it stem from? Pride – Satan wants to always rise above God Almighty – that nature is now instilled within women and Satan used queen Vashti to propagate this nature. For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes (Esther 1:17). The king decreed that every man should bear rule in his own house (Esther 1:22).
Be devoted to one person. Tame your heart from wandering. Our hearts are evil and likes to fantasize. For the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth (Genesis 8:21). If man is the head, woman is the body. What we think and entertains within does affect the whole body – even the children.
And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do (Genesis 18:17) For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment (Genesis 18:19).
Never discredit your wife. Don’t keep a tight rein on her. Let her bloom in the Lord. Listening to your wife is profitable. Women are wise and are extremely discerning. Don’t lie to her. Keep her in prayer.
This is the Christian mandate:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (and to minister – Matt 20:28); That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh – Ephesians 5:23,125-31.
Be sensitive in the spirit; the subtle negative feelings, the doubts, misunderstandings, an offense, that would occur in the mind/heart against one’s partner has an evil motive and it originates from the dark world – a slight offense, irritation etc.. is all it takes for the devil to launch his fiery darts. But if the couple is Spirit led, they are moored properly – if not, the flesh can reap havoc. Know also that women are prone to emotional breakdowns as her hormones fluctuates at various times. Some can be moody, some angry, some frustrated and irritated etc.. As men, we must dwell with them according to knowledge – 1Pet 3:7
May God bless you. I hope these thoughts would edify and be profitable unto you.
In Christ,
Bobby Thomas